You are at wits end when..
You are so damn poor that you dont care anymore and decided to go out to spend all the money you have with the excuse;'As long as I am happy'.
URGH.
Its at times like this where I hatehatehate money!!!
T.T
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Back to square 1?
Its a widely known fact that I have one very good guy friend who I talk about everything to. When I say everything I mean everything.
It is a known fact that lately I got to know 2 new guys; closer to guy 1 than guy 2 of course.
Yesterday, I ran into a problem; or rather, it has always been a problem I have been agonizing about. I thus turned to guy 1. I wanted a new opinion on this ongoing problem.
The answer he came up with was a very typical guy answer. A fresh one. It somehow made me believe that maybe, friends can still be purely friends without wanting something out of each other. He ended saying that I can always turn to him anytime and that he will always be there no matter what. I was sort of taken aback.
I know that I have friends who will be there no matter what. But to hear it is just so different. I know that I say that words are nothing, but there are times when words do a whole lot of good and I just fall in love with words again.
I have been having problems with a few people I call friends lately. One of them is a super long time friend and it has been a recurring problem and one of them is a new-ish friend. The new-ish friend is fake really and a wannabe. I am only friends with her because of another good friend. Give face la. But right now, I dont want to have anything to do with her. She is disgusting and urgh!!! I cannot believe I actually was nice to her.
Sigh, all these petty problems are really useless. This is why I like being with guy 1. He makes me feel like there is nothing to worry about anymore. My refuge for a while if you want to put it that way. He makes me feel that it doesn't matter for a while.
I know that everyone will have an opinion if they find out but really, if i am happy with him then leave me alone ok? I'll ask if I want your opinion.
I sometimes wish that I was a guy. Friends seems so much simpler.
It is a known fact that lately I got to know 2 new guys; closer to guy 1 than guy 2 of course.
Yesterday, I ran into a problem; or rather, it has always been a problem I have been agonizing about. I thus turned to guy 1. I wanted a new opinion on this ongoing problem.
The answer he came up with was a very typical guy answer. A fresh one. It somehow made me believe that maybe, friends can still be purely friends without wanting something out of each other. He ended saying that I can always turn to him anytime and that he will always be there no matter what. I was sort of taken aback.
I know that I have friends who will be there no matter what. But to hear it is just so different. I know that I say that words are nothing, but there are times when words do a whole lot of good and I just fall in love with words again.
I have been having problems with a few people I call friends lately. One of them is a super long time friend and it has been a recurring problem and one of them is a new-ish friend. The new-ish friend is fake really and a wannabe. I am only friends with her because of another good friend. Give face la. But right now, I dont want to have anything to do with her. She is disgusting and urgh!!! I cannot believe I actually was nice to her.
Sigh, all these petty problems are really useless. This is why I like being with guy 1. He makes me feel like there is nothing to worry about anymore. My refuge for a while if you want to put it that way. He makes me feel that it doesn't matter for a while.
I know that everyone will have an opinion if they find out but really, if i am happy with him then leave me alone ok? I'll ask if I want your opinion.
I sometimes wish that I was a guy. Friends seems so much simpler.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
6th Sense
Here I am in my hideout; where almost everything is not mine.
In my favvy pair of jeans and top..
Skin feeling tight from the fresh shower I came out from.
Deciding. Choosing.
Trying to make the right choices.
Doing what I do best when I am tired of.. thinking.
Being all happy again without a care in the world.
I started to wonder about my actions.
Knowing that they are no where being right..
Ignoring the fact that I actually have decisions to make.
Ignoring reality yet again.
Thinking about the fact that I have not exactly been who I should be.
Wondering about the people all around me.
Who's real and who is fake.
Passing judges that I have no rights passing, somehow.
Missing the times where friends are really friends.
And guys are even better friends.
Here I am sitting; home again.
Thinking back on everything.
Wishing that I can relive it again.
No regrets whatsoever.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Games
I have not been good lately. And I know it. I'm sorry? But it was fun and still is that is.
We hung out yesterday. He told me stuff I can live without knowing. Haha. I was prodding and asking la. But you cant really blame me can you? I was curious; and as they always say curiosity kills the cat. And I think that the cat is now dead. Hmm..
It was kinda OTT if you ask me. But then again.. hmm it was ok I guess.
It got me thinking thou; Is this really all there is to it? Shouldn't there be something more?
And does looks really matter that much? Even the nicest guy I know condemned this girl because she is not as pretty as other girls.
I mean, of course i know that looks matter but for it to matter *that* much, isn't it a bit too much? Its very very unfair.
These both are intertwined of course. Not so pretty guys and girls don't get to play. Not so pretty guys and girls don't get as good opportunities too. But why?!
Blame it on human nature? Is that a good enough excuse?
Its like asking why people have sex before marriage I guess.
One thing I am worried about is;
Will I be able to pull back before things get way too far? Before I lose everything that I hold so dear?
We hung out yesterday. He told me stuff I can live without knowing. Haha. I was prodding and asking la. But you cant really blame me can you? I was curious; and as they always say curiosity kills the cat. And I think that the cat is now dead. Hmm..
It was kinda OTT if you ask me. But then again.. hmm it was ok I guess.
It got me thinking thou; Is this really all there is to it? Shouldn't there be something more?
And does looks really matter that much? Even the nicest guy I know condemned this girl because she is not as pretty as other girls.
I mean, of course i know that looks matter but for it to matter *that* much, isn't it a bit too much? Its very very unfair.
These both are intertwined of course. Not so pretty guys and girls don't get to play. Not so pretty guys and girls don't get as good opportunities too. But why?!
Blame it on human nature? Is that a good enough excuse?
Its like asking why people have sex before marriage I guess.
One thing I am worried about is;
Will I be able to pull back before things get way too far? Before I lose everything that I hold so dear?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Weekend
The last weekend was one to blog about! Haha.
I'm still suffering (so to speak that is) from the after effects of the weekend!
Hmm.. As much as I claim that I am tired of mind games and unnecessary trouble, its times like this when I go;'Hey! This is not as bad as I thought it was!'
Boy was it an eventful weekend. Sure we had a lot planned but really, the extra drama was icing onto the already perfect cake!
The latter part of Friday was spent playing pool and an impromptu K sesh with random people. Pool was ok as usual. Me and pool really do not go together ok. K was.. interesting to say the least. Jealousy, over-possessiveness, happiness, flirting, body contact, OTT gestures, more flirting, more jealousy, more unhappiness, more happiness, more fenging. Haha. That seriously was it ok. Nope, despite pressure not one drop of alcohol passed my lips! =D
Saturday was spent with the bestie! We went for K! Haha. Gossed and talked too. Gave her the juicy details on what happened. Details which can never be posted here on this blog. Haha! She was surprised? Or maybe, shocked? Haha I dont know. Tell me what you think la bestie! Haha. Saturday night was spent.. oh yes! Hee. Doing something not so good wtf. Haha. Saturday night was the most eventful one ok. I dont regret anything that happened but really it was so damn random. I still do not know how to classify that night!
Sunday was bbq! Where I got this gash on my finger which still hurts like a bitch! It looks so real that it looks fake. Haha. Bbq was alright I guess. Def no my kind of crowd. I went because of the place not the people. And because I needed to get out and calm myself down. And work things out. Hmm.. The cut was huge+deep! You can see the flesh inside and I was bleeding everywhere! All over the wall and the table and tissues! One plaster was soaked with my blood within seconds. It did not hurt the second my finger hit the glass but it hurt like a bitchx1000 when I dripped water on it. Hurted so much that I cried ok. Can you imagine the sting? No you cannot wtf. And that set off even more tears. I am still healing from the gash and still now, you can see the meat inside. Haha. Oh yes! Even more pool and K as well! Haha. K was super unenjoyable because of a stupid annoying guy. I so wanted to slap him! URGH. Oh and! After we got home, I got dragged off to teach people how to dance because they cant wtf. I was so tired ok. And I had to go teach people how to dance. Psh. -_-''
The after effects? Well, testosterone. Desperation and cravings for bodily contact shall speak enough! Haha.
After this weekend and after suffering the after effects of this weekend I have one question;
Is it too greedy of me to want a little bit of both sides of the coin?
I'm still suffering (so to speak that is) from the after effects of the weekend!
Hmm.. As much as I claim that I am tired of mind games and unnecessary trouble, its times like this when I go;'Hey! This is not as bad as I thought it was!'
Boy was it an eventful weekend. Sure we had a lot planned but really, the extra drama was icing onto the already perfect cake!
The latter part of Friday was spent playing pool and an impromptu K sesh with random people. Pool was ok as usual. Me and pool really do not go together ok. K was.. interesting to say the least. Jealousy, over-possessiveness, happiness, flirting, body contact, OTT gestures, more flirting, more jealousy, more unhappiness, more happiness, more fenging. Haha. That seriously was it ok. Nope, despite pressure not one drop of alcohol passed my lips! =D
Saturday was spent with the bestie! We went for K! Haha. Gossed and talked too. Gave her the juicy details on what happened. Details which can never be posted here on this blog. Haha! She was surprised? Or maybe, shocked? Haha I dont know. Tell me what you think la bestie! Haha. Saturday night was spent.. oh yes! Hee. Doing something not so good wtf. Haha. Saturday night was the most eventful one ok. I dont regret anything that happened but really it was so damn random. I still do not know how to classify that night!
Sunday was bbq! Where I got this gash on my finger which still hurts like a bitch! It looks so real that it looks fake. Haha. Bbq was alright I guess. Def no my kind of crowd. I went because of the place not the people. And because I needed to get out and calm myself down. And work things out. Hmm.. The cut was huge+deep! You can see the flesh inside and I was bleeding everywhere! All over the wall and the table and tissues! One plaster was soaked with my blood within seconds. It did not hurt the second my finger hit the glass but it hurt like a bitchx1000 when I dripped water on it. Hurted so much that I cried ok. Can you imagine the sting? No you cannot wtf. And that set off even more tears. I am still healing from the gash and still now, you can see the meat inside. Haha. Oh yes! Even more pool and K as well! Haha. K was super unenjoyable because of a stupid annoying guy. I so wanted to slap him! URGH. Oh and! After we got home, I got dragged off to teach people how to dance because they cant wtf. I was so tired ok. And I had to go teach people how to dance. Psh. -_-''
The after effects? Well, testosterone. Desperation and cravings for bodily contact shall speak enough! Haha.
After this weekend and after suffering the after effects of this weekend I have one question;
Is it too greedy of me to want a little bit of both sides of the coin?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Da di da dum!
Da di da di dum!
Da di da di dum!
Da di da di dum!
Da di da di dum!
What takes me all the way up again after spending a few days down in the ruts?
What makes me so hyper and makes me want to run around spreading the love?
Mika yo!
Sucking too hard on your lollipop,
or love's gonna get you down,
sucking too hard on your lollipop,
or love's gonna get you down!!
Lovelovelove!
*photo credit; Muds-Dark-Goddess of deviantart. Gotta love it!
edit 3.33 pm
Just as soon as I was feeling better; happy, you have to come and take me back to square one again.
You will be the reason for me going back to my superficial comfort.
You will be the reason for my slump again.
You..
Will be the reason I hate this place.
All these years, you have been with me, physically.
But do you know what I have been going thru?
Do you really know?
Do you know what I have been going thru this past week?
Dont give me bullshite about how I dont talk.
You ask yourself why I don't talk.
You act like you care about us..
But we all know that all you care about is you.
I love you, but I cannot take this anymore.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
What's up, down and all around.
1. Today I woke up with a very very heavy head. I could barely even lift it off my pillow. I do not know if its because I am falling sick or because of my stiff neck/shoulder muscles from staring at the monitor for too too long. Not to mention the headache I've had from yesterday.
2. Work. Too much work. Too little time. I want my holidays! I am so tired.
3. Weather. The weather has been horrific. Thunderstorms are scary. It even interrupted my tv sesh today. I was actually talking to the weather asking it to calm down a bit so I can finish watching 'Keeping Up with The Kardashian's'. And I missed the finale of 'A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila'! Even thou I went and googled the results on Friday. Hee. But they broke up. Its all publicity for Tila Tequila la. Sigh. Poor Bobby =(
4. I had the weirdest dream this morning. I remember waking up for a bit asking about the time and when no one answered (of course no one did you dumbo) I said to myself that its ok and that it should only be 7-ish cause its still silent outside and to go back to sleep. And the next second I was at the walkway between the bookstore and outside of the bookstore at Imax. And there was mr.S and the gf, Mr.E and someone who is supposed to be his date and me with a guy who has a beige knitted top and was actually quite big, and was supposed to be my date? SO, here I was on a group date with these people I don't even talk to anymore! I remember telling the girl Mr. E was on a date with to stay away from him cause all he wants is sex and that I know (I know that girl on a personal level in the dream; she looks a lot like this girl from my old church thou =s) that she isn't that kind of girl. And I even gave her tips on how to stay away from him. We were then at the music section of the bookstore play hide and seek.
How weird is that?! Good Charlotte's We Believe is playing now -_-
5. Blogger's being difficult, not allowing me to upload a happyflower picture. Just to add color to this ever so sad post. My head is throbbing now. To think that I have to go back doing work as soon as this is published. Boohoohoo.
OK byebye.
2. Work. Too much work. Too little time. I want my holidays! I am so tired.
3. Weather. The weather has been horrific. Thunderstorms are scary. It even interrupted my tv sesh today. I was actually talking to the weather asking it to calm down a bit so I can finish watching 'Keeping Up with The Kardashian's'. And I missed the finale of 'A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila'! Even thou I went and googled the results on Friday. Hee. But they broke up. Its all publicity for Tila Tequila la. Sigh. Poor Bobby =(
4. I had the weirdest dream this morning. I remember waking up for a bit asking about the time and when no one answered (of course no one did you dumbo) I said to myself that its ok and that it should only be 7-ish cause its still silent outside and to go back to sleep. And the next second I was at the walkway between the bookstore and outside of the bookstore at Imax. And there was mr.S and the gf, Mr.E and someone who is supposed to be his date and me with a guy who has a beige knitted top and was actually quite big, and was supposed to be my date? SO, here I was on a group date with these people I don't even talk to anymore! I remember telling the girl Mr. E was on a date with to stay away from him cause all he wants is sex and that I know (I know that girl on a personal level in the dream; she looks a lot like this girl from my old church thou =s) that she isn't that kind of girl. And I even gave her tips on how to stay away from him. We were then at the music section of the bookstore play hide and seek.
How weird is that?! Good Charlotte's We Believe is playing now -_-
5. Blogger's being difficult, not allowing me to upload a happyflower picture. Just to add color to this ever so sad post. My head is throbbing now. To think that I have to go back doing work as soon as this is published. Boohoohoo.
OK byebye.
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